[cobinrapner]

i was watching the L word online. i'm not sure if anyone is familiar with it. but there's a character, Jenny, who's kind of dark. she seemed to be having some trouble with herself. but i didn't even see it coming until she took a razor blade out. her housemate, shane, walked in on her after she cut. there were so many cuts on her leg. my cuts were never that bad but i freaked out, closed the computer and ran out of my room. i came back and my friends asked me what was wrong and i just said something in the show freaked me out. they all know i used to cut. but i didn't tell them it happened in the show. then my friend Elise texted me asking if everything was ok. i told her i would be fine. i don't want anyone to worry. even my best friend. maybe i'll tell her when my roommate isn't here..

but Jenny cut herself in the bathroom. one of my nightmares is me cutting again in the bathroom. i just freaked out. i was in such a good mood today too. and that just kinda brought me down. now i'm all quiet. i really just want to cry and i want someone to hold me. but nothing happened. but i know that's all i'm going to think about tonight. wonderful. my heart is beating really fast. shit..