[Snorkmaiden]

Firstly I would like to say thank you for your replies. It always helps to know I'm not alone.
*hugs all round*


He slipped up.
He bought some weed.
Everyone is entitled to their relapses. Thing is, my first thought was "he has, so that means I can" I don't wanna think like that. We talked and I know it would make him feel worse if I used his slip up as an excuse to cut again. Christ, I would be a total bitch to do so. But I can't help feeling like he can't have a go at me for it cos he did it first.
My god I sound like a heartless ****.
So far I haven't done anything. It will be 2 weeks on tuesday, the longest I've gone this year so far. And part of me wants to stay SI free.And part of me says why shouldn't I? It would get rid of this feeling of restlessness and discomfort. And if I didn't tell him he'd never know cos he doesn't notice these things. But I don't wanna hide stuff, I wanna be honest.

I guess a part of me is hurt cos I didn't cut cos that was the deal and I wanted to help him quit, and now I feel like it's all one sided and he couldn't care less if I quit or not. I feel selfish for thinking that.

Maybe I am just a shitty excuse for a human being and I like to hide behind the facade of "helping people" cos it will make me feel better about myself.


I really hate me sometimes.