I spent a lot of useless time in the hospital for my anorexia while i was growing up. I am a large part of the reason it was useless-because i totally refused to take this help seriously. I was just miserable the whole time.
But this one night, a new girl came in who played piano and i was talking about how i was a jazz singer while we were in group therapy. We got really into talking about our music.
That night, one of our nurses noticed that we were both up really late, and she came and got us and took us to the rec room where there was a piano - and she let us make music together. She left us alone, or as alone as she could, by going into the adjoining office and leaving that door slightly open, because the main door had to be shut for our noise.
It was such a cathartic experience, to just be jamming out some van morrison together.. and it made me trust the nurses.
At that point, i let me guard down and started to allow myself to receive help.
|