Thanks for the reply.
It isn't cpns fault. It's that I have a barrier which goes up whenever I see them. It's very very effective. Too effective. I can explain things better in writing but they want me to talk more because it looks better I look better then. But I'm not. It's just hiding.
I can go to my appointment feeling really bad. I sit waiting for them and in that time barrier goes up and everything looks fine. They know things are bad but not how bad or how frightening it all is for me. Asking me to assume I'll live because I have so far is something that should have been suggested to me months and months ago - I'm too far along a ~very~ scarey road for that now.
Sorry for confusion!
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