I went to the cpn appointment but it wasn't very helpful. The person that he and everyone else sees isn't me or what I am really feeling. It is impossible to describe. I've begun doing as much as I can mentally to get away from things - and some are really dangerous which I can recognise when okay but when not (and it is more often not these days) things get really scarey. Being blacklisted from A&E and crisis team doesn't help because I have no-one I can contact when it gets like that. When okay (which I'm rarely these days) I can pray and hope nothing will happen that I want help and have hope of it. But that happens perhaps once a week if that - a total reversal of how things began to slide.
I mentioned having felt suicidal but he said it is just feelings so can be ignored. It isn't but explaining what is is impossible. Only one person has an idea and that's a supporter here. I've written letters about it but they don't count as it is what I *say* that does.
*looks/feels confused*
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