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blondiebear · 16-02-2008, 04:45 AM

Sorry I'm being a post pig.

I'm absolutely furious with myself. I missed seeing a friend yesterday and i'm mad because I missed that person and more because it matters so much. I'm so lost and needy right now that I want to see all of the faces I always see so that maybe my world will be safe. Most of the other usual people were there. I got/gave the girlfriend hugs and the hugs with the gents who who help so much. Just seeing the gents gives me a feeling of safety. One of the gents even complimented me on the skill of the work I'd done on a little gift for one of the ladies who is going to Alaska in March.

Then I got news from another friend who has met someone at the beach and this person hates rules like my friend does. So I'm having the selfish thoughts that i'm losing another person in my life. If I weren't in such a bad place I might be thinking about asking if I could make the wedding dress, or wouldn't my friend want me as an attendant at the wedding. That is probably what I will be able to say when I talk to her next week.

Right now I just feel like a poor pathetic needy selfish wretch. When I have so much to be thankful for. When the girlfriend with the date told me how cute the shirt I wore for V-day was and how to make it into an even better outfit. When the gents saw me safe to my car. When this morning another gent made a point of running his hands up and down my arms so they heal better!

I'm not mad at the other people. I'm mad at myself for needing other people so much. That my reactions were where are they and how could they, don't they know I need them?

I'm defeated because I wonder if my reactions will ever be normal and if I'll ever be healthy.

16-02-2008, 04:45 AM	#1
blondiebear Bringing back the lost art of Sewing Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: California Confusion I am currently:	needy Sorry I'm being a post pig. I'm absolutely furious with myself. I missed seeing a friend yesterday and i'm mad because I missed that person and more because it matters so much. I'm so lost and needy right now that I want to see all of the faces I always see so that maybe my world will be safe. Most of the other usual people were there. I got/gave the girlfriend hugs and the hugs with the gents who who help so much. Just seeing the gents gives me a feeling of safety. One of the gents even complimented me on the skill of the work I'd done on a little gift for one of the ladies who is going to Alaska in March. Then I got news from another friend who has met someone at the beach and this person hates rules like my friend does. So I'm having the selfish thoughts that i'm losing another person in my life. If I weren't in such a bad place I might be thinking about asking if I could make the wedding dress, or wouldn't my friend want me as an attendant at the wedding. That is probably what I will be able to say when I talk to her next week. Right now I just feel like a poor pathetic needy selfish wretch. When I have so much to be thankful for. When the girlfriend with the date told me how cute the shirt I wore for V-day was and how to make it into an even better outfit. When the gents saw me safe to my car. When this morning another gent made a point of running his hands up and down my arms so they heal better! I'm not mad at the other people. I'm mad at myself for needing other people so much. That my reactions were where are they and how could they, don't they know I need them? I'm defeated because I wonder if my reactions will ever be normal and if I'll ever be healthy.
	My husband is my best friend. In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.