Hello Adam,
I wish I could do something to help, but you seem to be dealing with very complicated issues. I'm sure I'm not the only one reading your posts, struggling to find the words you need to hear. One thing I do know is this:
Do not be afraid to call the emergency services for help if you ever begin to feel completely overwhelmed. I don't know where you live, but I am sure most countries have systems in place to help people in your situation. I realise you are reluctant to ask for help, but in an emergency, you need to put your fears for the future aside to assure that in the short term, no-one is hurt.
You seem to still resist the voices, but I suggest that you don't wait till the start of college before you speak to a councillor (or other professional) to get help. By the looks of it, your condition has been getting steadily worse for a considerably long time and you will feel all the better for it afterwards. I remember reading in another post that councillors keep what you say in confidence to themselves, but I suggest someone else could tell you more about that as I'm not sure about it.
I sincerely hope you find the help and support you need... shortbread.
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