You're going through what is called a F***ing Growth Opportunity. There are growing pains that go with it. Don't expect to be happy right away or even make that a goal. Instead just see what you can learn about yourself. It's going to hurt a lot sometimes.
That's been my experience. I've been going through what is now a 16 month growing experience. I've been expressing my hatred of self on my skin. I know that when I SI, i'm getting too close to a drink. If I drink I doubt I'd be able to get sober again and I would die.
SIing is just a way to cover up and distract us from the pain.
Allow yourself to feel the hurt. You don't have to embrace it, but accept it and flow with it. You'll feel naked without the alcohol for a while. I have been where you are, detoxing from alcohol. You will get through this. You will be okay. You can learn that it's not just a matter of not drinking, it is a matter of not wanting or needing a drink.
Do what is front of you. Do the next indicated thing. Serenity and happiness will come in time. Don't worry about looking for it, it will come upon you when you don't expect it.
*Gives you a big empathetic cherishing hug*
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