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Limits and boundaries
I am stuck inside my head. I am behind AGAIN with uni work, I have missed seminars, essay deadlines approaching, presentations etc etc. I have been back at uni a week and already I am not coping.
I think I came to uni to have the opportunity to self destruct without being stopped. Well I got what I wanted.
9 deep stitches and 22 normal stitches on two cuts in the space of three days. Everything is whirling around in my head, trapped. I want, no, need to cut again but I know I have an aim to fulfill with the next cut and I am scared of the consequences of that aim. I can make it.
My head is arguing, one half wants it...damage, destruction, cutting, ODing, even death. The other half is so rational. I hate them both, but I am them both.
I just want to stop.
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