i definitely relate.
i haven't seriously cut in about a year now...you know, with the occasional relapse, and every once in a while i want to cut just for the sake of cutting. i MISS it, and i miss the scars. i dont really know how to be without the depression and the cutting, and i'm not really comfortable being happy i guess because i just don't really know how to be it.
my emotions are bland and dull. i dont even cry anymore.
like you said, i think it's worse than actually cutting.
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