Ok, just in case you didn't know, I'm 18 atm.
When I was 13 I developed a friendship with this guy who lives just round the corner from me. He was 31 at the time. At times he was the best friend a person could ever have. The rest of the time it was just all about sex. We argued quite regularly about it, but it was very rarely enough to stop us from having contact with each other. Last November (2006), he was the one that convinced me to go to hospital after OD'ing. But this summer he asked me whether one of my friends (someone I had grown up with) would be "receptive" to him. I was so freaked out by the thought of this guy (who I already had very strong conflicting feelings towards) trying to mess about with her and I told him so. He then blanked me and hasn't spoken to me at all since.
Now, I'm so torn because I miss him like crazy and I'm still really quite angry with him for various reasons.
I can't seem to get him out of my head. I'm having bad bad bad thoughts and daydreams about hurting him just to see if he is human. I keep wanting to email him or go knocking on his door. I'm not sure what I would say or do though. Yesterday I didn't dare get dressed until I absolutely had to because I didn't trust myself to not pop round there. Even coming home at like half eleven that evening was hard because he would have been home and the bus goes right past his house.
Oh God, I'm really losing it, aren't I?
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