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hospitalized...?
okay -- this one's a tough one for me.
if I'm completely honest, I'd tell you I actually WANT to be hospitalized. I *know* I need the help, but am SO 'logical' that I know I can't afford to. I can't afford to miss work and miss paying my mortgage and to have to tell my family I started burning, again. the messed-up part is that I actually WORK in in-patient Psych... and I secretly long to be a patient! Not here, mind you -- I'd just die -- but somewhere. I'm desperate to give up the control I've been stiving SO hard for SO many years to hold onto (by the tips of my fingers). I want to get help, but I know I'd fight it. I want to call the police on myself (anonymously), but I don't have the guts.
sheesh -- I'm a pretty pathetic coward.... I just don't know what to do.
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