Originally Posted by
Queen Crabbit
I want to die.
I'm just, not good enough.
The **** i've been through isn't bad enough.
I'm not a nice enough person.
haha, im a selfish ****.
this hurts.
it really ****ing hurts.
and it's tearing me apart.
Everything in bold there? Yeah? Lies. Well, not to you, you perceive them to be true, but to everyone else? Complete bullshit. But like, I love you even though you're lying. (Even though you don't think you're lying).
You ARE good enough. You're an amazing friend, to the point of ringing people at 8am when they're busy sleeping to make sure they're ok. You're funny, a little crazy admittedly, but GREAT to be around. You're not selfish by a long stretch. Look at what you do for people around you, for your sister, for your friends and you do it without it being expected of you. If I phoned you, upset and needing someone, chances are you'd be there for me unless you had something really pressing going on. (Migraines count in that btw).
I'm not going to go through what's happened, or whatever, but hell, you've been through a LOT Chels. A hell of a lot and I actually got quite upset when I realized the extent of it, because I was that pissed off that anyone would do that to you. You didn't deserve it, any of it. I'm not at all surprised that you can't deal with it right now and I really do think you need to get yourself to a counsellor of some description? I don't know if your Uni offers it, but you were looking into it before you left, is that something you could do?
I know what I've written is only vaguely coherent, but I really do care and you really are a wonderful person. I'm always here if you need me. (Trust me, I didn't even get dressed today).
Luff 'oo <33333