[dysphoria]

It began when i started to drink in my early teens, or i may have even been 12 years old. But then i discovered weed, and this was MUCH better at stopping me from cutting. Then i used a bunch of other drugs
I used heroin for about 3 years, then started on buprenorphine. But this didn't stop me from using. So then i went on methadone, and increased my dose to the extent where my opiate tolerance is just too high to get any effects off heroin ((i'd have to shoot up at least half a gram of decent heroin to get any effects)).

Heroin definatley replaced cutting for me. And the same thing happened with methadone. Whenever i was on opiates, doesn't matter if it was when i was using codeine, i would get relief from cutting. I think this is because the opiates/opioids bind to the opiate receptors in my brain, and instead of cutting and getting endorphins and enkephalins binding to these receptors, i ALREADY HAVE THEM FILLED WITH OPIATES. So i feel like i do after cutting, except without the cutting. Instead of relying on my endorphins, i rely on methadone. And it has drastically reduced the amount i cut. It's also stopped me from using heroin and other illicit drugs, its even stopped me from drinking ethanol...i just "don't feel like it" so i don't take other drugs either.

Plus im on a benzo which helps reduce any anxiety i have...and im on an antidepressant that covers serotonin and noradrenalin...and i take nicotine ((don't smoke, never have, never will)) through the use of transdermal patches, and this covers DOPAMINE, and its proving to be a good antidepressant.

The ((all legal now, thankfully)) drugs i use that are most helpful are methadone, clonazepam, and nicotine. These drugs all make me feel better, and help reduce cutting. I STILL CUT though...just not nearly as much as i used to, and i feel MUCH better....i don't have really bad depression ((i only recently started using nicotine patches, at first they were a dissapointment, but now...i can really feel they are reducing my depression)) and i don't have really bad anxiety.
And after my drug use through-out my teens and early 20's...i think i NEEDED to be medicated with legal drugs to cope as i had messed up my brain chemistry.

But yeah....i used to use marijuana, heroin, ketamine, nitrous oxide to escape from my painful mind, but now i use legal drugs; methadone ((instead of heroin)), clonazepam ((instead of alcohol or downers, cos its a CNS depressant and i need a depressant in my system to feel better)), and nicotine ((makes me feel better due to dopamine release))...