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ameradian · 31-12-2007, 08:50 AM

this is starting to weigh on me. i've never been THAT close to suicide. i guess i think about it alot, but ive never felt so terrible as to seriously attempt it. but its like its always there. its like deep down, i just know i'll kill myself eventually. this has been going on for several years.

its sort of morphed into this notion of killing myself when i turn 30. i'm 20 now, so that would make it the most long term plan i have ever made. the way i see it, i have ten years to convince myself otherwise.

i can write all these above things very unemotionally because i've thought about them many many times, even when i'm not upset. these thoughts are just sort of there. but it scares me that i've accepted this whole scheme so easily and so completely. its like theres a division between some of me that says its a good idea and another that says its crazy.

i don't really know where i'm going with this, and i've always had difficulty making posts with actual questions that are, you know, easy to answer. i guess i just want toknow if this sounds familiar to anyone. what do you make if it?

brian.

31-12-2007, 08:50 AM	#1
ameradian you touch, but you can never really feel. Join Date: Jun 2007 I am currently:	ten years left? this is starting to weigh on me. i've never been THAT close to suicide. i guess i think about it alot, but ive never felt so terrible as to seriously attempt it. but its like its always there. its like deep down, i just know i'll kill myself eventually. this has been going on for several years. its sort of morphed into this notion of killing myself when i turn 30. i'm 20 now, so that would make it the most long term plan i have ever made. the way i see it, i have ten years to convince myself otherwise. i can write all these above things very unemotionally because i've thought about them many many times, even when i'm not upset. these thoughts are just sort of there. but it scares me that i've accepted this whole scheme so easily and so completely. its like theres a division between some of me that says its a good idea and another that says its crazy. i don't really know where i'm going with this, and i've always had difficulty making posts with actual questions that are, you know, easy to answer. i guess i just want toknow if this sounds familiar to anyone. what do you make if it? brian.
	i am a plumeria brother.