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I freaked out.
I completely freaked out this morning. My father and I were supposed to be out the door to church at eight thirty (my mother goes earlier). I set the alarm for seven thirty so I could read the newspaper and walk the dog before leaving, but when I woke up the alarm had not gone off and my clock said it was nine. It was probably a combination of having not slept for more than six hours a night for a few weeks and being under a lot of pressure, but I sort of went crazy. Don't really know what happened. Anyway, Dad came up perfectly innocently and I freaked out at him, which he did not deserve. Then he went off and I... melted down? I don't think I was really in control of myself. It was very disturbing and not pleasant. The upshot of the unpleasantness is that my good sweater will be going into the trash because it has blood on it, and I had to tape bandages to my legs to keep from staining my pants. Yeah. I know this sounds absolutely mad, and it does to me, too. I remember the whole thing extremely vividly, how I was feeling and what everything was like, and now I'm down I look back and think, "Who the hell was that girl? Why would she do that?" I just lost it. Over the course of a few minutes I went from washing my face to being in tears muttering "Not deep enough." And once I had calmed down that freaked me out even more, so I was a wreck when we left the house.
The whole episode has really worried me. I am all right and taking care of myself – like it says above, I look back and can't even imagine that. Feel like I don't even know that girl, like it was somebody else, but the cuts on my legs say differently. So, how worried should I be? How bad was this? What the hell happened? Any advice or help you can give me would be greatly appreciated.
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