Hi there,
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard this time of year is for you. You say you don't feel like he's left you, people do live on in memories... he will always be with you in your mind. Have you got support from any of your family or friends at the moment? I'm sorry that I am not much help here.... perhaps if you visited the
Grief and Trauma Support Forum you could gain more specific support from people who have been through similar experiences to you. Take care and keep posting.
Sophie.x