I'm sorry things are especially difficult right now. Has anything happened to trigger it? I hate feeling in a dark hole, it's hard to get out of but not impossible. Keep doing the little safe things you can that might help. It's good that you have avoided cutting although I know it's not so good that you have been self harming in other ways. Maybe that's all you can do right now, maybe damage limitation will have to be ok in this moment. I hope the helpline get back to you soon and there are helpful.
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