Well done on 12 years free!
In answer to your question, yes I miss it. Until recently I would have said that I miss it every single day and fully expected that after all this time it would continue to be a daily feature of my life. However much to my surprise I think it's fading. I still think it will always be there, somewhere, but I'm amazed at how much of the time now, it's easy to not self harm.
For me, something that's worth remembering is that it will not be as good as your head makes up that it will be. I feel like I can remember this amazing sense of release and ease of tension but I cannot surely actually remember it properly. It's going to have been hyped up in my head after all these years! So something that helps me steer clear is the notion that all I would feel is regret for slipping up and disappointed that it wasn't even that soothing!
Hope that maybe helps a bit.
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