[long road]

I broke down again last night. Multiple times really. Even tried to leave the house and just go out but fell over due to FND before I even left the living room. Opened up to partner though. He doesn't really know what to do and asked how he could help and I said I didn't know and that it was tricky when he asked how because it added to my mental load because now I had to not only ask for help but work out how he could help. He did get that and said he will try and just be there if that's what I need.

Phoned GP surgery and asked to speak to duty GP this morning as my suicidal thoughts are getting worse was really hard saying that to receptionist. Wouldn't have done it off my own back but promised partner I would last night.

If they ask about crisis team I might say yes this time. Right now I still have a voice saying no to the thoughts but that voice is getting smaller.

Have a telephone appointment with Dr A on Friday that can hopefully still go ahead whether I talk to him today or someone else.