I think writing does help on the whole, it's hard to untangle it to write it down though. Been R/Ving a lot. But more on the rant side that the vent side I would say.
The loudest bits are self harm and suicidal thoughts / images. But there must be something behind them fueling the raw distress.
Some of that distress must be related to trauma memories that keep intruding and my natural instinct is to push those as far away as possible. Although I don't think they are something I can process on my own either. So not sure what to do with them. I guess with them it's more about reminding myself I am safe and that I am not there anymore.
Being scared of myself my past and whatever is watching me doesn't help.
Other bits is to do with frustration at my life my poor physical health, my lack of independence. Wanting to hope but not knowing if hope is realistic and being afraid to have my hopes crushed again.
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