I'm in high school and hope to graduate by 2024. It's a small school so they don't have anything like clubs, unfortunately. I am in the school band and they get together on occasion, but it's not really the same. It doesn't help that it also feels as if everyone in the entire school knows and they most likely do since it's small.
I do have a few friends, less than what I can count on one hand. I don't mind it, though. I'll continue to dress/look how I want but I've tried taking myself apart piece by piece to analyze what could be seen wrongly.
At this point I'm only complaining. I don't know how to explain it other than it's hard. I had a less than happy upbringing and I'm haunted by the past. I have more shame, regret, guilt, self hatred, etc., now because of my current school situation. I'm complaining about things that don't matter anymore, ah. There's really no point in mourning the past since it can't be changed.
Regardless, thank you. I tend to overwhelm myself in the details rather than the entirety of something. What I'm trying to say is that I get caught up in my emotions and my situation that I fail to look at it logically and at the bigger picture. So being able to talk to someone helps me to take a step backwards and actually see.
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