Not wanting to cut your neck is good progress. If that continues make sure to mention it in next ward round.
I don't think you are evil but understand you want to hear that from the exorcist to give you evidence.
If you don't want to cut your neck do you still think you would want to try and runaway from staff to harm?
If they won't budge on staff supervised leave first over family supervised leave can you think of what the safest place to go with staff would be? Must be frustrating to try advocate for your own safety and not be listened to.
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