So sorry to hear that things haven't been going great, I can really hear all this shame that you're piling onto yourself and you don't deserve it. I'm not sure there's any age that's too old to be engaging in behaviours to deal with really intense and traumatic feelings. It seems excessive to shame yourself about being 'too old' for this relating to a behaviour that already brings you so much shame!
It's interesting the effect that documentary had on you - I can definitely see how it might make you feel. In a way I can see the intended sentiment, that it's a shame when food because something to fear and dread, since eating (alone or with loved ones) can be such a joyful positive thing but that's a reflection on the pain of eating disorders rather than throwing any shade on the sufferers.
How aware is your husband of what's going on for you at the moment?
Also Body Happy Kids by Molly Forbes :)
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