Thank you all of you just for taking the time to read my rambling, I appreciate it.
It's hard to just stop and I find myself breaking my time being clean every 2-3 days if not a week or two. And thank you for the suggestion about the 5 minute thing. I'll try it and see how it works, but the urges always stay like an itch in my brain.
I don't know what I want to do. I know the best thing to do would be stopping since it's not healthy physically or mentally. I don't know what to do, really. I don't want to stop. In some sick way, it feels so good, especially if my emotional state crumbles into mush. I want to stop but at the same time I don't. I know it's not a good thing to be doing to myself, but I also don't know how to cope otherwise.
Also, I do clean my cuts afterwards, usually, and put antibacterial and bandages on them. I monitor them closely and wash them whenever I get into the shower, too, until they heal over.
I haven't really tried anything like rinsing my face or taking showers with hot or cold water just because all I think of in the moment is my itch to cut. I've tried doing a less damaging alternative like scratching myself, but it hurt too bad since I have a low pain tolerance which sounds contradicting since I'm self harming ahah... I've tried drawing or writing, but I usually just ended up doing it anyways which defeats the whole purpose of everything.
I will try some of those options, so thank you.
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