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Nicholas · 22-12-2007, 12:58 PM

I'm going on holiday on the 2nd of January, to a place where I will definatley be swimming (Centerparcs). My left thigh is covered in scars and scratches, my right much less so.

Of those who're coming with me (atleast eight), only two people know I used to cut (my mum and a really good friend), yet I don't think they know I cut now. I've sort of stopped cutting, and am starting to cope without it, but the thought of everyone seeing is starting to really worry me. The last time I was faced with it I ended up punching a wall until my fingers swelled and bruised because I freaked out last minute, too scared of anyone seeing.

I can't talk to my mum about it, I just can't.

But I kind of want to do it, go out not trying to hide it...it'd kind of be something to prove I was free, to me...If that makes sense...

Only thing, well two things, are the thought of me freaking out and doing something really stupid like last time, and also, the last time I went, there were people from my school...and I think I really would freak out if that happened, and they saw...

I've been using cocoa butter three times a day for a fortnight and five days, and the worst of it is starting to get to a point where it's hard to see, but some of the scars are still pretty pink...

Any advice...? Anyone experience this sort of thing?

Thanks...

22-12-2007, 12:58 PM	#1
Nicholas Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Southwest of England	Holiday I'm going on holiday on the 2nd of January, to a place where I will definatley be swimming (Centerparcs). My left thigh is covered in scars and scratches, my right much less so. Of those who're coming with me (atleast eight), only two people know I used to cut (my mum and a really good friend), yet I don't think they know I cut now. I've sort of stopped cutting, and am starting to cope without it, but the thought of everyone seeing is starting to really worry me. The last time I was faced with it I ended up punching a wall until my fingers swelled and bruised because I freaked out last minute, too scared of anyone seeing. I can't talk to my mum about it, I just can't. But I kind of want to do it, go out not trying to hide it...it'd kind of be something to prove I was free, to me...If that makes sense... Only thing, well two things, are the thought of me freaking out and doing something really stupid like last time, and also, the last time I went, there were people from my school...and I think I really would freak out if that happened, and they saw... I've been using cocoa butter three times a day for a fortnight and five days, and the worst of it is starting to get to a point where it's hard to see, but some of the scars are still pretty pink... Any advice...? Anyone experience this sort of thing? Thanks...
	This is a gift, it comes with a price Who is the lamb and who is the knife Midas is king and he holds me so tight And turns me to gold in the sunlight And in the spring I shed my skin And it blows away with the changing wind The waters turn from blue to red As towards the sky I offer it