[long road]

Struggling a bit more mentally the last couple of evenings. Which has correlated with more physical symptoms.But I don't know if physical stuff has been caused because I am not expressing emotions I am not aware of or if physically struggling has been making me down or if physical struggling due to fatigue means I have less mental capacity and so mind let's old mental issues in of an evening. Bad pain last night definitely triggered sh thoughts.

I wish everything wasn't such a delicate balance of mental health, pain, fatigue tremors etc.

Mentalness has been in form of depression, occassional self destructive thoughts / desperation to escape and had the shouting intrusive thought /pseudo psychosis whatever it is nonsense.

I have physio booked in again for next Tuesday afternoon (21st). Got the call from unknown number randomly at 3pm today. I really wish they could organise it less organically / give me next appointment at previous appointment.

I am still failing to book appointment with the totally reasonable new GP about pain management due to fears generate by the old unreasonable/dismissive GP and the whole opioid crisis making painkiller use more taboo thing.