Apathy has mostly shifted, had a breakthrough yesterday when I did some reflection on the last month and how my FND symptoms have been and realised although it was a lot worse than October/November/December it wasn't as bad as this time last year and that helped me feel a bit more positive things haven't slipped as far as I felt/feared. Also made me think about what I could maybe do to help myself a bit more like regular resting during day (eyes closed listening to something or meditating or a nap) even when I am stuck in bed not doing much. Time will tell how well I manage to stick to it.
I cried on and off for 5 hours on Wednesday and got pretty suicidal and then at the end went into shutdown and dissociated. I did RV a fair bit which helped let it out some. I didn't want any questions either like Samaritans here don't give advice but they do active listening and ask questions to draw out your thoughts /feelings/make you feel heard. But I did get through.
Did have a minor self harm slip up though, did something on impulse last night for first time in a long time. All taken care of though.
I am also aware that a trauma anniversary is coming up for me at begining of February so trying to be compassionate to myself if I do mess up.
|