Hey,
I think I remember you! I hope that's not creepy. I'm not in your country so I can't give specific advice. But I know how hard the waiting and uncertainty is. It really is the worst.
With regards to the thoughts around losing more weight and restricting more before you go, I definitely thought the same thing. What I had to keep reminding myself was that the sicker I was and more weight I lost, the longer I would have to be there and the more weight I would also need to gain back. The more things deteriorate, the more work you have to do. So as much as you can manage to keep things stable for now, the better position you will be in once there.
Do you have any support right now while you wait?
I know you didn't mention this specifically, but I highly doubt you'll be the oldest one there. When I was in treatment (again in my country) there were patients in their 50s and even 60s with me. Some of whom had been in treatment before, some of whom never had. Everyone struggles on their own time frame. Nobody's going to judge you for coming back after so long.
It sounds like you've done incredibly well to manage for so long, and I think you are being incredibly brave to go back. You deserve the extra help and support and I hope you can go in sooner rather than having to keep waiting.
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