im really sorry this happened to you. and i can relate in so many ways.
my father did the same to me, only i was much younger and it went on for a period of years. what i understand is still loving him. ive gone through this confusion for years but have been told by many therapists that its normal. however, that doesnt take away the pain or confusion. and my father died 4 months ago but the confusion and pain still lives on in me.
if youre not seeing a therapist or someone, maybe that would help.
also, sharing this with someone and talking about it might also help, even if just a friend.
pm me anytime if you need/want.
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx
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