Hey, I can't say I can relate to what you've been through and don't know how much help I can be but I can say I feel sorry for what you've been through and you definitely shouldn't feel guilty about anything, you have done absolutely nothing wrong...even if you knew it wasn't right (before the rape) as a young girl it must be so so hard to tell anyone what was happening to you and you said you always thought you needed him, maybe you just thought on some level it can't be true and he would never actually do that...
I certainly don't feel you should share this burden alone, as hard as it is tell trusted friends, maybe even a counselor? (if you haven't already and really can't tell your mum or brother - I do understand why you wouldn't want too), they can help you too...
Sorry, I probably haven't been much help as i've never been through anything like this but please remember you have done nothing wrong!! I hope you find the help you need.
Darren
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