People keep saying I’m doing so well and achieving so much, but I’ve never really listened. It’s hard because I have an internal critic that is so strong, SO loud. I can imagine if I was my friend or even just stepping back it’s pretty amazing what I’ve survived and what I’ve achieved. When I think that way it’s like I’m looking down at myself and seeing all the barriers and the struggle and seeing where I’ve come to. When the critic is there I’m looking up for something else because I don’t see my struggle I just see that nothing I do is enough and I’m getting nowhere.
I met a nurse in the psych hospital who had just become a nurse at 70. She was amazing. She wanted to help others because her daughter had post natal depression. I think of her when I think of ‘careers’ and time lines.
Having a family is a bit different though. Time does matter there. I just try not to panic and love each day and I already accept with grief that it might not be part of my life.
THE WORST is really comparing myself to peers on social media, who DON’T live with the illness or traumas I do.
Thanks for your words and your support.
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