Wow wow wow thank you so much everybody. The private doc was really helpful and pretty much just agreed with what you guys had said, but they were unable to provide prescriptions that could be repeated (or something), so I then followed up with an NHS GP. She was way better than any other I've dealt with, and I think saying I'd talked to the private one helped a lot, unfortunately. Anyway she started me on sertraline, and wow. If I had known this would have such an effect I'd have started on it years ago. I still have glum days but I feel totally transformed. I regularly quantify my mood on a 1-5 scale, and there's been a clear change.
I was initially scared because after just a few days, the rushing thoughts that I thought were my intellect went quiet, which I don't remember ever happening before. Lots of people tell me that they can somehow tell I have a million thoughts at once, and I was scared that it would remove what makes me unique. But actually, I'm just as clever when the thoughts are more ordered. My aptitude to cope with complexity hasn't changed at all, but how I cope with people is vastly better as I am not panicking all the time. I think I'm much better.
I took a high dose of fluoxetine years ago, but I was such a mess I didn't even notice whether it had an effect or not. Maybe that put me off trying again, but it shouldn't have! I've actually been taking vit D too for a while on the advice of a biologist friend; can't hurt (in reasonable dose) and it's recommended for everyone in the UK.
I have been on sertraline for a few months. I am considering this a big win!
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