Hi there, sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time. It sounds like you're saying that all of the physical and emotional abuse above is coming at you from yourself, if I'm understanding correctly. You even acknowledged at some point that if anyone else was in your position, you'd want to help them- it's very odd how seem to want to treat ourselves so much worse than we'd ever consider treating someone else!
What makes you think you deserve this?
You mentioned feeling like it had gone too far for you to get help, but what makes you think that? I don't think there's ever a point where it's pointless to ask for help- surely it's worth a try!
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