Things are still difficult and I can't make my mind up if I should try and phone Duty or not. It was much easier having a CPN to regularly call me. It's hard talking to different people on Duty who might not know much about me and then someone different will be on Duty the next time I phone and they also won't know much about me. I need one single person who understands me and I had that with my CPN. I'm panicking and also my heart is aching because I'm so upset and desperate. I need to get suicide right. Maybe that's the only way to comfort the mens' followers. The men are laughing at me too. It's hard to deal with all this. I don't need anything done with my meds I just need a good professional to be there for me. I don't think the letter I sent is going to change anything. I wish my previous CPN would come back and tell everyone that she doesn't agree with the discharge and she takes me back on. Like that's going to happen.
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