This is all taking a huge toll on me. I went for a walk with my support worker but we don't talk about how I'm doing because she's not trained enough, she told me to phone the Duty CPNs if I need to. They are only for very serious things though. I am feeling really suicidal but in this exact moment I don't think I'm going to make an attempt. The thing is things often get worse through the day and the suicidal feelings get stronger or I get impulsive. I probably will continue to be alive and the Duty CPNs aren't for people who will probably be safe. The men's followers are still screaming and I don't know what to do for them. I'm lacking in motivation and only doing things half heartedly. I'm self harming quite a bit but there is no obvious damage on the outside so that's fine. I'm not eating right. I'm crying lots.I can't make this phone call. Duty are for serious things. They would play down everything anyway, I know they would. I'm alone with my emotions and my struggle.
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