Hey,
Firstly *sending hugs hugs*
Secondly......I could have written your post.
You are not alone, and there are so many people out there who can help. Being prepared helped me. I left in July, 2 kids under 6 with me; and honestly, even with all the mess, its still the best decision I ever made. And the reason it is, is because I put me and my mental health first for the first time in a long time.
Things are harder in qlit of ways right now, but the feelings of self harm and general awfulness and few and far between since I left and I broke the manipulation cycle.
Whatever you decide to do; there is so much help and support out there, and no judgement. Womens aid was a really useful resource for me, and can be hidden from your Internet searches too. Has lots of practice advice and people you can talk to who can help you work your way through no matter if you stay or not.
Please reach out 😘
Lots of love xxxx
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