[Freak3142]

I am a professional, a teacher, i have a masters in special education, i work with kids with high needs and severe disabilities. I am a wife of a husband with severe mental health issues, i am the bread winner.
I manage to balance work, studying and having a small social life. I juggle the bills and the wants of my husband financially.

Yet I still revert back to my old ways when stressed. I managed 10 years, 10 good sh free years. I dealt with stress, financial, emotional and family stress. I dealt with another major depression, where medication barely scratched it.

My anxiety went through the roof when i started being investigated at work for code of conduct related issues (all BS and political) including that I would belittle students, lift them (they are physically disabled) and talk unprofessionally to some teachers and staff... I managed three weeks of being under investigation until i cracked, i took the blade and I cut, now i can’t stop. Even my doctor essentially told me to grow up. I feel like a teenager unable to process the stress.