It sounds like you're really consumed by these thoughts, it must be distressing. I know that I often compare my emotional pain to physical illness and think that if my emotional pain was physical I would probably be dead by now. Difficult emotions can feel like death too, if you're low and slow etc. We are all dying anyway, as horrible that might seem, but it can't be good to be focusing on it so much. What does death mean to you? Is there a way to move your focus to living while you are alive? Have you spoken to anyone about these thoughts? Sorry for all the questions.
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