Huge congratulations on being 4 years free! I know you're struggling right now but hopefully you can find some time to congratulate yourself and to recognise what a great achievement it is.
Everyone has a different definition of recovery so it's hard to say what being recovered should be like and when it should happen. And it's also easy to look back and think of the "good" things about cutting while ignoring all the rubbish that goes along with it as well. Could you try and think about other reasons not to do it (as well as the one you mentioned above) rather than the reasons you think you should do it or would miss about it?
I'm betting you have learned some pretty good distraction techniques, alternatives and coping strategies to get you through some difficult times over the last four years. What has worked in the past to stop yourself doing it?
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