Hello and welcome to ryl.
I'm sorry things have been so bad for you. Sound like you want to get off the poison and you're doing the right things, maybe underlying mental health issues are bring you back to it. I know its a hard step to make, but mentioning it to a doctor could help, there are things they can do to ease withdrawals; just need to find a compassionate doctor is key.
AA is a double-edged-sward, in that - it can help and also be a reminder and trigger ( at least it was for me )
Don't give up because you're worth it. I wish you luck.
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