Well I plucked up the courage to tell my mum and she was more supportive that I expected. I thought she'd be more pushy to see a therapist or something but she was quite gentle and just encouraged me rather than insisting. Said she'd always be there and I could call her any time of the day or night etc. And she'd go through any kind of recovery programs with me if I wanted her to. I'm glad I talked it through with her.
The only thing she couldn't understand was the full reason why I have to do it, she got it in her head I do it just to punish myself and kept saying things aren't my fault so I don't need to. But that's better than her not understanding at all. It feels like a weight off my shoulders that she knows and I know I have an open invitation to talk when I need to without feeling too awkward.
My boyfriend has also started understanding and has been fantastic about it. He actually talks about it now, and urges me if I have to do it to find somewhere safe, unlike before when he was just telling me to stop and see a doctor, and hiding any blades. It wasn't easy and took a lot of talking and upset but I managed to make him see it's not as easy as just putting the blade down and not doing it. After explaining what happened to me in the past and why I think I turned to it all those years ago he slowly came around.
I still have the itch, of course, but now I don't feel quite as lonely and isolated. I'd recommend anyone who has a serious issue with self harming as a means to cope to talk to people who love them. It has really been a huge weight off my mind for me and helps a lot with the issue of feeling so alone. They may freak out a bit at first (that's normal), but they will pull through for you. It's all about breaking the ice, and it's so much easier to cope when you don't feel so freakish and alone.
I hope this inspires people who are having serious issues to reach out and talk to people close to them about it. Breaking the ice is the hardest part, and the water underneath will be cold at first, but it warms up with time.
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