I'm going to do just what you did for me. I hear you and I've read every word.
I am sorry you are in such a sad place no that you feel lonely, you seem a lovely person and I think suicide is traumatic because people feel guilty because they feel they could have done more or they simply feel sad the person didn't feel they had any other choice but to take their own life and that's the most tragic thing.
Is there anything you would really like to do with your life? A hope for something that could change your perspective like mine is to do a well known pilgrimage, learn to ballroom dance and have a dog into old age again. But yours will be different and it can be anything big or small that you can work towards in measured goals and hopefully give you purpose/ hope while with the aim of doing something you want to do.
With regards to friends, there are many ways to make friends but I know it is terrifying to instigate it, is there a social group you could join near you? There is a website called meetup (if you google it will come up) where it will show groups in your area which are built around shared interests so there will be like minded people. Or a hobby/interest group that is independent of that which will give you the distraction of doing something you are interested in while getting to know people that could give you social contact?
This may sound completely dismissive of your issues but I'm just giving you options to answer that question you've asked. Only you can find reasons to live, you need to find your values and be true to them, what do you think will give you a reason to live, what would need to change for you to feel you can?
Do you have some form of support at this time so you can talk to someone in real life? Just sometimes verbalising it with someone who knows you may have some ideas as well?
I hope you can find a reason, or many more than one, everyone deserves that, and it's no doubt you'll be missed even those you only have sparing contact with or everyone that's known you will miss you because you've made an impact. I know some may not be as supportive as you need but they would miss you. Sometimes people find it hard to give or hear those who struggle, particularly with mental health because it can literally happen to anyone and it can leave the strongest people feeling vulnerable in themselves. Sometimes people can be rude and not care though but it's not everyone. I hope you can see that at some point.
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