Why did it feel like a waste of time to try mindfulness on your own? I know sometimes things that people suggest can feel really pointless but equally, you don't lose anything by giving it a go, and it might actually help. How would you feel about trying again? You could ask your CPN to support you with it or try using an app like Headspace or Calm.
I'm sorry things are so difficult. It really doesn't matter what other people are doing, comparing yourself only ever ends up making you feel worse (I know it's not easy to stop though!) I understand (to an extent) how difficult it is to be worrying about having to look for work and such - but, as you know, that hasn't happened yet and you don't know that it will. I know you can't just stop, but maybe when you catch yourself having these thoughts you could find something to say to yourself, even just reminding yourself that it isn't happening now and/or trying to focus on something in the present?
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