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one_step_closer · 27-04-2018, 05:02 PM

Thank you.

I have no PRN meds, my psychiatrist is very anti meds in BPD. I'm surprised he even allowed me to change antidepressant when I first saw him.

I'm so worried about what will happen with my ESA. What if I have to go on Jobseekers and they arrange my appointments for the mornings and I really can't do early mornings? It's pathetic that I am so weak. I avoid every form of discomfort that I can because things that are uncomfortable for people are excruciating for me. So much about working involves things that I can't cope with. I was thinking last night that the most content period of my life was when I was on the support team here when I felt able to support well enough. I could never support people face to face and no job would be flexible enough to work around my frequent bad days. I did apply for a voluntary position with a new organisation to provide emotional support online but they were obviously wanting me to have training and stuff and commit to certain hours which I don't feel able to do.

I'm probably just a lazy, weak, idiot. Other people face up to so much more. I'm don't even cut my own grass FFS! I really annoy myself. I'm sick of myself. There is no point to me. I seriously need to be eliminated.

27-04-2018, 05:02 PM	#793
one_step_closer The Shadow of the Day Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Scotland	Thank you. I have no PRN meds, my psychiatrist is very anti meds in BPD. I'm surprised he even allowed me to change antidepressant when I first saw him. I'm so worried about what will happen with my ESA. What if I have to go on Jobseekers and they arrange my appointments for the mornings and I really can't do early mornings? It's pathetic that I am so weak. I avoid every form of discomfort that I can because things that are uncomfortable for people are excruciating for me. So much about working involves things that I can't cope with. I was thinking last night that the most content period of my life was when I was on the support team here when I felt able to support well enough. I could never support people face to face and no job would be flexible enough to work around my frequent bad days. I did apply for a voluntary position with a new organisation to provide emotional support online but they were obviously wanting me to have training and stuff and commit to certain hours which I don't feel able to do. I'm probably just a lazy, weak, idiot. Other people face up to so much more. I'm don't even cut my own grass FFS! I really annoy myself. I'm sick of myself. There is no point to me. I seriously need to be eliminated.
	I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much. Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass. You didn't come this far just to come this far.