How come you feel like you aren't allowed to? Mess bothers me a lot so I imagine it would be stressful.
Is there any way you can even just do like, one tiny little tidying thing a day enough to where maybe your head wouldn't not allow it, but it could be a start? I don't know what to suggest specifically to you but things I could generally think of are, maybe just like, pick up a few pieces of garbage and put them in the bin, or clean one dish, or put one clothing item away.
I don't know. Maybe if you can even just do one tiny thing and see how that goes, maybe part of you will realise it is not horrible and eventually if you keep it up you can get more things done at a time and work up? Or is asking support staff to help you with tidying an option? You deserve to feel okay.
Do you have any support with regards to your drinking? Or anyone who is aware that it is problematic?
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