Hello and welcome to Vets! WELL DONE FOR POSTING!!! Its not easy. Dont let that worry you though. We were all new once and its all a bit intimidating at first. I hope you will settle in and things will seem a little less daunting. The place is full of loons but they are lovely loons so dont be scared :P
I wanted to say that i think its absolute testement to your strong will and determination that you havent cut months and months ago! I know i probably would have!! I think anyone in your situation would have been tempted. So well done for lasting so bloody long!!! (pardon the punn)
I also wanted to have a moan at you and tell you off for somethig you said!.......
"It sounds so silly, Im not dying, Im not as poorly as so many people out there but all i want is for this op to happen.Its interfering with my work, its interfering with my social life and now I have to go through another xmas with it. Last year i was in so much pain xmas eve and xmas day i had to miss out on seeing friends who i really only see at xmas.
AHEM!!! It DOES NOT sound silly in the slightest. Everyone of us has a right to be happy and well. Id like to see where it says in the rules that you have to be suffering an X amount of pain, a Y amount of anxiety and a Z amount of suffering to warrant treatment and help???
If its causing you or anyone pain or disress no matter how small it is a valid problem and needs treating. From a paper cut to an organ removal. It doesnt matter that someone else may be waiting for a new head! What matters is YOU and YOU only regarding this. If its hurting you physically and emotionally then its a big problem that needs sorting just as much as anyone else!! So no more thinking this is silly please!!! *sends you to the corner to think about it* :P
As for the cutting..........well **** happens! We all cut for some kind of release, relief, coping mechanism of some sort. Our brains go a little doolally an tell us that its the only way to cope. Be it the need to release pain or to punish ourselves for things we thought we are to blame for. Fact is that its something that is so easy to go back to when things are bad.
However look at what you have acheived. Looks like you have built a life after Self harm with little or no help. Thats pretty amazing!
Like the others said, its a slip. You sound in alot of pain and under alot of stress. Be gentle on yourself. Be kind. Its okay to want to feel well. Its not ok to punish yourself for it.
Be safe
Matthew x
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