Thank you both.
My cuts are fine, as I said I can barely cause myself any damage now. I'm still doing ok, holding back the boulder most of the time. It scares me to know that this ok feeling will likely end at some point, I can't hold on to the moment. I haven't felt this motivated in a long time. When I go to bed I keep wanting to make plans to do something risky because that's what I know and I do kind of miss it but I don't miss the overwhelming emotional pain. Usually when I get up the next day I change my mind about doing risky things anyway, I wouldn't do anything unless I was really distressed. At night I am more distressed but when I go to bed I can stay in bed and I have been sleeping a bit better over the past couple of nights so that's good. Just waiting for everything falling apart.
|