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one_step_closer · 28-01-2018, 07:35 PM

I didn't go out. I'm pretty much a wimp when it comes to the cold. I don't mind the rain just don't want to be cold, I suppose I should just find a way to wrap up. I have thoughts about the things I need to be doing and should be doing and at this time of the evening I usually think tomorrow will be a better day and I will do more with my day but I never do. Today the productive things I've done have been to change my bed sheets and put a washing on and I know they are achievements but I feel like I should be doing so much more. I am aware that there are things I can't do right now and that makes it worse because my brain is under stimulated.

I live life mostly on my own and wish I could be more comfortable around people so I could have a bit more interaction and good relationships. I am trying with going to the gym group and stuff. I should be going to a creative writing group on Friday which might become a regular thing. I also said to my CPN I'd see about going to a walking group and go to a community cafe with one of my friends but it seems too much to be doing in the one go. My CPN is ok with me taking things at my pace I think though.

I'm just over 2 weeks self harm free now but it's not an achievement. Self harm does nothing for me any more, it makes me feel worse a lot of the time so I remind myself that I can't do it to the extent that it satisfies me any more. I long to cause myself some serious damage.

28-01-2018, 07:35 PM	#642
one_step_closer The Shadow of the Day Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Scotland	I didn't go out. I'm pretty much a wimp when it comes to the cold. I don't mind the rain just don't want to be cold, I suppose I should just find a way to wrap up. I have thoughts about the things I need to be doing and should be doing and at this time of the evening I usually think tomorrow will be a better day and I will do more with my day but I never do. Today the productive things I've done have been to change my bed sheets and put a washing on and I know they are achievements but I feel like I should be doing so much more. I am aware that there are things I can't do right now and that makes it worse because my brain is under stimulated. I live life mostly on my own and wish I could be more comfortable around people so I could have a bit more interaction and good relationships. I am trying with going to the gym group and stuff. I should be going to a creative writing group on Friday which might become a regular thing. I also said to my CPN I'd see about going to a walking group and go to a community cafe with one of my friends but it seems too much to be doing in the one go. My CPN is ok with me taking things at my pace I think though. I'm just over 2 weeks self harm free now but it's not an achievement. Self harm does nothing for me any more, it makes me feel worse a lot of the time so I remind myself that I can't do it to the extent that it satisfies me any more. I long to cause myself some serious damage.
	I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much. Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass. You didn't come this far just to come this far.