[Come Sail Away]

Dear Emmah & Ian


You have no idea how much pain I’m in so I’m writing this so others who have been through what I have been can share their stories. I’m 22 years old as I’m writing this story and I’ve been through an insane amount of pain that I wish I could of changed. I was 13 and Emmah was 12 I first knew her when I moved to IL when I was 6 then our family moved back to Florida, Emmah found out she had cancer when she was only 7 years old she had a rare form of brain cancer known as Neuroblastoma after I moved back to IL she was already in her last stages of cancer, she died on a Wednesday and I blamed myself every single day after that for almost 8 years before moving to maryland where I found genuine people who helped me realize that it wasn’t my fault that I just was a young kid and that I couldn’t do anything because cancer is a nasty thing.

I’m mad that you wont be in my wedding pictures- Whoever this lucky girl is I know that she will have her best friends nearby but my true best friends will be watching in heaven I’d do anything in the world to have you in our pictures.

I’m mad that you won’t see my baby boy or girl if I have one- I’m mad because you won’t be able to hold my first child nor will you be able to see them grow up, nor will I able to see you ever have a kid.

I’m mad that maybe I never knew you- I’m mad because maybe I never knew you as a whole and if I did I could have helped saved you Ian from doing the impossible you hurt my heart so much when you left us especially without leaving a reason why, I love you forever and always brother! Bike in Paradise

I’m mad that love manifests as anger to me- Because of losing you both I pretend to not love anyone, I pretend that I’m this strong steel wall that nothing can get through, I met a girl and I was wrong shes slowly breaking through my steel wall…. slowly but surely, I push people away because I’m so afraid of losing them like I lost you two but the good part of my heart is going to keep this one, I’m done running!!!!

I’m mad because I get you a birthday cake every year and you can’t eat it- 8 Birthday cakes later for my best friend in the entire world and she wasn’t able to eat or blow out any of those candles, I wish.. I wish!

I’m mad now because I have to be the sole keeper of new memories- New memories without you two will not be the same but I have learned that I need to move on for the better and make new memories with new friends, 2018 is going to be full of the best memories of my lifetime

Goodbye E & I

I will Always l[ove] you!!!

PS: I would have wanted to fight this with you!!!

-Come Sail Away